FINALLY!!

After everything that's happened with Uni, I have finished my first major assignment, and am pretty much on my way to hand it in. I have no idea if I have done it correctly, as I missed the cut off date for handing in drafts. I went through a moment of panic when I realised that if I do not reach at least a 'Credit' mark with this, I will have to see the Student Support officer, three one hour sessions, on sticking to criteria and word limits, and etc. For some reason, this thought terrifies me more than actually seeing the mark on my assignment at the end of the Easter Break.

Basically, I am worried that I am going to need to see a tutor. I barely have enough time in the week for everything as it is, and it is only going to get busier. But, as the saying goes, we have to do what we have to do. Besides, it's not like it's going to hurt me to speak to someone about it anyway. It's been a long time since I've had to hand in an essay. It's been a long time since I've actually had to *write* an essay!

God help me... this is one of the times when I sit down and think, 'Why am I doing this to myself?' What sane, sensible person suddenly decides on a whim to undertake a four year pause on their life? Oh yeah, only the other couple of hundred mature-age students attending this Uni as well! That thought doesn't make me feel so bad, as I'm not the eldest person who started Uni this year, nor will I be the eldest to graduate at the end of it. If they can all do it, then so can I.

I know I can be a melodramatic person, but I act before I think. Or in this case, I'm reacting before I've considered all sides of it. In saying that though, I know my limits physically and mentally. I've almost had a breakdown before, and I will not let myself get back to that point again.

I have a great deal of respect for people who are going through things a lot tougher than I have ever had to, my cousin-in-law Viv for example is one of the strongest people I know, along with my mother. They are, and have had, to deal with things that I honestly hope I will never have to. My opinion of them, along with quite a few other people I know, cannot reach higher limits. It does remind me of just how much I have taken for granted during my life.

In saying that though, I know I have come through a lot in life, dealing with an abusive relationship while I was still young, finding out I have a mental disorder that no one seems to know much about, along with a form of dyslexia. I'm not complaining, or whinging about how I wish my life was perfect, as I once would have, because I have come to the realisationg that no one's life is perfect, and I do know that there are people out there who go through a lot more than I ever will. But this is my life, and what has happened in the past has shaped who I am today. I hope it has changed me for the better, but I don't think I am in a position to say that is true. Perhaps in five years, ten years, I can look back and say that I have been changed for the better, but I am too close to the action at this point in time.

Oh wow... I didn't realise I had so much to say... I am an hour away from my last class for the day, I'm getting psyched up for Lady Gaga tonight, my dancing workshop with some work friends tomorrow night, and a cruise on Sunday afternoon... Busy busy Easter!