Sick of being sick

You know those days, where your head feels like it will explode, you can't breathe, your chest hurts, your body aches all over, you can't stop coughing... that's been my life for the last three days. I thought I'd be over it by today. No such luck. Its something that's been going around work, except they've all been over it by the third day. I think I might have an ear infection or something as well - my right ear feels really sore, my balance is more shoddy than usual - ick.

This morning, I woke up optimistic. I'll be fine today! Then I sat up. It literally felt as though someone hit me across the face then and there. And sat on my chest. I'm now struggling to move without pain. It even hurts to move my fingers. I HATE being sick!

I really feel like cooking something, for whatever strange reason that is. I also have a strange desire to go to a pub (where I don't work, nor have ever worked) and sit there. I don't want to drink, or go out to dinner, I just want to watch other people doing my job. Sadastic huh?

I blame being sick on my glasses. I got new glasses last Wednesday. I was fine until then. It's only been since I got the glasses that I've gotten sick. Or maybe I should blame the dogs - I have to go out in the cold to feed them at night. Or it's Zack's fault. Or my bosses. Either way, it's not fair, and it's not my fault!

Childish moment huh? Why the hell not.

I'm actually going to cook something tonight, I'm going to make my Chicken carbonara, and post photos, and the recipe, and all. :) Why not?

Why bother?

Some family I have. I stick my neck out for one of them who has someone posting shit all over facebook about him supposedly threatening them with a knife. I asked the little bitch to remove it, as it was defamation, and I don't want that kind of crap out there about my brother. How does he thank me? By hanging up on me, then writing crap all over photos of my dogs.

The other one... well. There are issues there that I have been putting up with for a long time. I cop abuse, and crap, all the time. Smart arse comments from his girlfriend about the uni course I'm doing, that the only reason I'm doing my course is because she did one similar to it, bullshit 'advice' that I don't need about things that she has NO IDEA about. I put up with this crap, time and time again, and don't say a damn thing to him because I'm the sort of person who believes you Don't do that to your brother. She's his choice, I've got to live with that. What I don't have to live with is crap from him about giving her shit.

Nor do I have to put up with nasty comments left all over facebook.


There were more on a couple of photos that I deleted before I saved, calling me a camel. Thanks bro. Bet I know who's great idea THOSE comments were.

I'm sick of it. I never fucking bother with people I don't give a damn about, so they can BOTH go to hell, and he can take his girlfriend with him.

Red Velvet

I REALLY REALLY WANT A RED VELVET CUPCAKE!!

Now that's out of my system, I feel slightly better. I still want one though. From what I've found on the internet though, I can't buy a half dozen here in Perth without ordering a whole dozen or more a month in advance. And I have no time to cook any, provided that I can find all the ingredients in the recipe that Viv so kindly sent me.

So, I guess I'm going to continue to want one for the next god-knows-how-long it takes me to save up some dollars and order a dozen from the website I found! I guess I'll have to clear up some freezer space too, so that I can freeze those that won't get eaten in the first half hour of their arrival!

Uni is nearly over for semester one - wow. I'm one semester down, only 7 left to go. Well, actually, it's probably going to be 8 since I can't pick up another minor unit next semester to catch me back up. Yikes. Scary thought, that. But even through the stress, I've had fun. I've made some new friends, who will hopefully carry over the rest of Uni at least. Knowing my luck, though, they're not going to hang around. I'm a little on the weird side, I will admit.

Stress... wow... I wish I'd known how to deal with that a bit better. I managed to delete half of my final big EDU essay (worth 60% of my final marks for the unit) at 10pm the night before I had to hand it in. The entirety of my introduction, my references, plus another two paragraphs from the body. I had emailed what I'd written, mostly the body, to a friend of mine to check my grammar and layout. When she emailed it back to me, I opened a 'read only' copy, and finished my essay in that read only copy. I then closed it. I lost all of it. Well, all that I'd just typed up. I could still get into the email to get what Elle had emailed back to me.

I sat in shock for about 10 minutes. Then the panic set it. I looked through the entire computer system, every file and folder I could find. Then, I lost it. I sat there, crying my eyes out. Monty and Pirate were looking at me, wondering what they'd done wrong. I couldn't move for another ten minutes. It was the worst feeling of my life. All the work I did on the assignment, I felt it was all for nothing.

I tried to start rewriting straight away. BIG mistake. I couldn't have written how to walk up the stairs, let alone rewrite an introduction, and everything else that I'd lost. So, finally remembering what my high school teachers had taught me, I stopped entirely. I watched an episode of 'Glee' that I'd downloaded. I forgot all about it. Then I started the rewrite.

I know it was no way near as good as the first one I'd written, but I did what I could, and now there is nothing I can do to change what was done. This was last Thursday, a week ago, that I handed my essay in. That same Thursday, I was pulled up on the way to the Inspection Site to get an extension on my car's defect notice. I didn't have the paperwork, so I was given a $600 fine and 3 demerit points. I also managed to tear my little toe back to the bone. It was NOT a good day.

But anyway, that'll do for now. I guess I went a bit overboard with the ranting. Meh. It's my life, my opinions, and my values that matter to me. You don't like it? I don't care.

Don't Hide behind Anonymous

Well, my last blog received more attention than I expected. One sentence, and I get people blowing up at me! I don't particularly care if you think I'm racist, I'm not. I have great respect for those from ANY background who try their best to suceed at life. I don't care for those who rort the system, sit around drinking and smoking, on the dole, when they could be out working.

I have NEVER received Centrelink payments for ANYTHING and believe those who do just because they can should be made to work for it.

Good news for this week though - my car is now booked in to be fixed! 8th of June I will be officially carless for a week, and will get my ute back good as new!

Web Hosting

Long time...

Wow, it's been longer than I thought since my last posting! I've moved house, thank god that's over. The suburb I'm now living in, Maddington, isn't the best one. We live near the train station, in a suburb that's full of Homes West (commission housing) houses, where there are usually a group of coons hanging out at the station asking everyone if they have 'a coupla dollars so I can call my bros', or 'gots a smoke?'. GREAT neighbourhood!

Although, its all my fault. I chose the house, so therefore I'm to blame. It's not that bad, I mean, the house is secure, it has a security system (if I cared to learn how to use it), and there are two dogs here. Ok, they're Cavalier King Charles Spaniels, but they still bark if someone shows up. Just because they are not inclined to try to eat the person, does not mean they aren't good alert dogs.

I'm currently watching one of them 'make the bed'. Monty holds part of the doona in his mouth, scratches the hell out of it until it sits where he wants it to, then lays down NEXT to where he was 'making' it! He's such a character!

Monty is not, in fact, my dog. Monty belongs to Zack. Monty acts like Zack, gets upset if Zack does not give him his full attention, tries to sleep on Zack's pillow, and basically follows him around everywhere. Monty is Zack's dog, through and through. Except for about 15 minutes every day. At feeding time, Monty is my dog.

Worst part of this story is that Pirate believes he is Zack's dog too. I feed them both! I give them attention! Why do they naturally gravitate towards him??


Monty is on the left, Pirate is on the right... they are my darlings though, whoever they believe they belong to!

I've noticed that many of the people I follow on this blog thing include recipes in their blogs. I've decided to include one:

Best Ever Chicken Pizza

All you need is a telephone and a credit card!

Call Kenwick Dial-a-Pizza, order chicken pizza (without capsicum).
Wait for it to be delivered!
This only works if you live near Kenwick in Perth lol

Ok, I know, not really a recipe, but they seriously have the best ever Pizzas!

Well... that's about enough of my rambling for the time being.

New House!

We did it, we were approved on the house! Its a downgrade, in many ways, but when you need somewhere to go, anything will do!

Its not a bad house, just very old-school. There is no open plan anything. Every room has its own room, if you understand what I mean. One long hallway down the centre (which reminds me, I need to put up a mirror above the back door, feng shui and all that!), two HUGE bedrooms, one sleepout, a kitchen (very small unfortunately), dining room, tiny bathroom (but at least its an indoor toilet, unlike one of the other houses I looked at!)... Lounge room is a decent size too. There used to be a fireplace there, but it was built in years ago, and the fireplace was turned into a wall-mounted TV stand...


Strangely, they put a power point in the centre of the old fireplace... I can't understand the logic of some people... But hey, its cheaper than the house we are leaving, its 200 metres from a train station, just off the highway, and closer to a few mates. AND it has an oven. The current house does not. Strange that.

catching up...

Ok, after all the busy-ness (I know, I don't even think that is a word!) of the weekend, I finally have two minutes to sit and think, and catch up with myself.

Thursday Night: Lady Gaga Concert... oh my god... She is one of the best live performers I have ever seen, or heard about. The entire concert was a theatrical performance, it had a story, it had smoke machines, fire fountains, 'the fountain of youth', monsters, cars, trees... and that's just the start of it! I absolutely love Pink, and after I saw her concert last year, I didn't believe that I would ever see anything to top it. Lady Gaga made Pink's concert look like a backyard bbq sing-a-long... Highly recommended to everyone... although I do believe that it should have been an 18+ event only.

Friday night: I went to a dancing workshop for a bit of fun. It was a lapdancing workshop, and I realised that I have little to no flexibility! But I had a blast, even though I fell off a chair! It's not something I am every going to use in life, I have no inclination to become a stripper (or 'exotic dancer')... it was just something I did for a laugh, and also because nothing was open on the first Friday night I have had off in a long time.

Saturday night: I worked. It was a flat out night, but all of us waitresses wore bunny rabbit ears, and you can't help but smile when you have 12-inch ears on top of your head! We took a photo out the back, only to realise afterwards that you can see the 'Player' (TAB) sign in the background! We all lost it, but it was a great night.

Sunday night: I went on a cruise! My 'West Australian' Mum talked myself and my housemate into coming on an Easter Cruise, left at 7pm, got back in at around 10pm. It was awesome! I love being on boats, and I had a really good time. After the cruise, Zack (my housemate for those who don't know!) and I decided on a whim that going to the Strippers was a good idea. Funnily enough, he fell in love with the 'Easter Bunny' (one of the dancers). I did too, but only because she gave me chocolate!

Then today happened... I slept until 12... I was meant to start work at 12... oops. I called the boss, he said just to get there as soon as possible. He wasn't mad, mainly because Monday's aren't usually that busy. After I got there though, it got busy. On Mondays, only myself and Deb work the lunch shift, where there are usually 3 people rostered on other days. We normally get out at 2.15, 2.30 at the latest... we didn't get out until 3pm. Not that much of a problem, means a bit more money in my next pay cheque, but I am so tired after last night. Then again, that's my own fault!

So, I am now on a break from work (I have to go back in at 5.45 today, won't get home til about 11), and I should really be doing my catch up study for uni (it's due tomorrow) but I think I might have another snooze and pull an all nighter tonight. What can it hurt? I have No Doze in the cupboard!

Well... Not so good then...

Life sucks at this particular moment in time. I should be over the moon - I went to Lady Gaga last night (absolutely amazing!) and had the time of my life, it's Good Friday so I don't have to work, I'm going to a dancing workshop tonight with some mates... but one phone call yesterday ruined everything.

At precisely 4.45pm, I received a phone call from my landlord. I tried to call him on Monday about renewing our lease, only I couldn't reach him. He informed me yesterday that he wasn't going to be renewing our lease, didn't actually give us a reason why not, just that he 'had other plans for the unit'.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the fact that he let me know. But he let me know at the close of office hours at the start of a LONG WEEKEND!! I can't do a damned thing until Tuesday now, no viewing, no walkthroughs, NOTHING! Why didn't he call me back on Monday and let me know then? I could have had all week to look for somewhere.

I am trying to deal with work, and uni, and now this? Oh, the lease runs out on the 16th of April, but we're allowed to stay here until the 23rd... three weeks from today, at most. I don't even know how to move from rental to rental! Do I get my bond back straight away? Or do I have to wait until after a complete inspection *after* I've moved out? Can I transfer a bond from one property to another? Does it matter that I'm renting privately at the moment and will be switching to a managed property??

Seriously... I want to buy a lottery ticket and win the 20 or 30 Million that's on offer. Then I can just buy the house I want and all will be good. Unfortunately, life doesn't work like that. So... can anyone help me??

... for those interested, I'm going to post again later about Lady Gaga and my dancing thing tonight...

FINALLY!!

After everything that's happened with Uni, I have finished my first major assignment, and am pretty much on my way to hand it in. I have no idea if I have done it correctly, as I missed the cut off date for handing in drafts. I went through a moment of panic when I realised that if I do not reach at least a 'Credit' mark with this, I will have to see the Student Support officer, three one hour sessions, on sticking to criteria and word limits, and etc. For some reason, this thought terrifies me more than actually seeing the mark on my assignment at the end of the Easter Break.

Basically, I am worried that I am going to need to see a tutor. I barely have enough time in the week for everything as it is, and it is only going to get busier. But, as the saying goes, we have to do what we have to do. Besides, it's not like it's going to hurt me to speak to someone about it anyway. It's been a long time since I've had to hand in an essay. It's been a long time since I've actually had to *write* an essay!

God help me... this is one of the times when I sit down and think, 'Why am I doing this to myself?' What sane, sensible person suddenly decides on a whim to undertake a four year pause on their life? Oh yeah, only the other couple of hundred mature-age students attending this Uni as well! That thought doesn't make me feel so bad, as I'm not the eldest person who started Uni this year, nor will I be the eldest to graduate at the end of it. If they can all do it, then so can I.

I know I can be a melodramatic person, but I act before I think. Or in this case, I'm reacting before I've considered all sides of it. In saying that though, I know my limits physically and mentally. I've almost had a breakdown before, and I will not let myself get back to that point again.

I have a great deal of respect for people who are going through things a lot tougher than I have ever had to, my cousin-in-law Viv for example is one of the strongest people I know, along with my mother. They are, and have had, to deal with things that I honestly hope I will never have to. My opinion of them, along with quite a few other people I know, cannot reach higher limits. It does remind me of just how much I have taken for granted during my life.

In saying that though, I know I have come through a lot in life, dealing with an abusive relationship while I was still young, finding out I have a mental disorder that no one seems to know much about, along with a form of dyslexia. I'm not complaining, or whinging about how I wish my life was perfect, as I once would have, because I have come to the realisationg that no one's life is perfect, and I do know that there are people out there who go through a lot more than I ever will. But this is my life, and what has happened in the past has shaped who I am today. I hope it has changed me for the better, but I don't think I am in a position to say that is true. Perhaps in five years, ten years, I can look back and say that I have been changed for the better, but I am too close to the action at this point in time.

Oh wow... I didn't realise I had so much to say... I am an hour away from my last class for the day, I'm getting psyched up for Lady Gaga tonight, my dancing workshop with some work friends tomorrow night, and a cruise on Sunday afternoon... Busy busy Easter!

And with much ado...

It took a lot of considering, but I did finally come to the conclusion that I needed to change my minor studies. I was doing Drama, but I didn't have the energy for it. Coupled with working most nights, drama was taking too much out of me. I was too tired, too grumpy, and that only made things worse for me.

So, I bit the bullet and decided that I had to make a change before I ended up too tired, too upset, and lost my motivation for Uni altogether. Part of me feels guilty, though. I loved Drama, and I feel bad about quitting something that was really fun. I know it all came down to me either changing things around entirely, or dropping it for something less physically-demanding. (On a side-note, this is another reason why I have decided not to have children. I don't have the energy for a Uni course, how can I keep up with a kid??)

Add that to being made to feel like an idiot at home (only sometimes, and normally when I *am* acting like one), and it's just a whole recipe for disaster. I don't know how to act around some people anymore, I don't know what to say that's not going to get me into trouble (so to speak). I just wish things were as uncomplicated for me now as they were when I was 13. Obviously, this isn't going to happen, but I can wish can't I?

I know I need to find another way to vent everything, but when all you want to do is lay on the floor, yelling, crying, and screaming at the world... nothing else seems as good, somehow. This is the sad bit - I don't even have the energy to do any painting other than the stuff we've been set during my art class at Uni!

University... tell me why?

Oh God... would someone *please* remind me why I thought going to Uni was a good idea? So far, all I've gotten out of it has been stress, worry, and a huge paycut.

I know all the stuff about 'just think where you will end up?', 'Nothing is worth it if you don't have to work for it'... but right at this moment, I don't know if it will be worth it. Yes, for the next four years I will be doing what I love to do, as in my art, but even the art side of things is stressful. I don't know if what I am doing is right, I've actually begun to doubt myself for the first time since I started drawing and painting.

I used to do all the traditional stuff, 'proper' paintings, pencil sketches, and the like, before I found a way to properly express my feelings and emotions. A lot of traditional artists paint because they like to create something, because what they are making will sell. They don't mind selling their work, because it's not part of themselves.

My art... my art is my emotions at their most raw form. My paintings are angry, confronting, and not pleasant to look at. Unless, of course, you are into that sort of thing. How do I change my frame of mind and remember back to painting for the purely pleasant experience of making something pretty?

We have just had to make a series of work. Each one of us in the class was given some words, and everything had to relate back to those words. My words were 'foundation', 'fire', and 'green'. There were others in the class who did really intricate drawings, presentations, and objects. Mine were all simple, which granted is what the Tutor asked for... but it made me feel really self conscious. Does this mean that my mind isn't as good as the others in my class? Does it mean that my art work isn't as good as everyone elses?

This is my problem. I like classes where there is a wrong or right answer, very black and white. Art doesn't have this stability, so in reality, there is no wrong answer, but we are conditioned to think that there is.

Art is, obviously, my major. Drama is my minor, and I'm actually considering changing it to something else. I have no idea what. English is too structured for me, and I barely passed at school. Maths... well, numbers are NOT my friends. History... maybe, but I don't know if I will stick with it. There's always Home Economics, but again... is it going to work for me?

I need a minor. I need to work out what I can face doing for the rest of my life, and so far, all I can come up with is Art. Media isn't really a viable minor for me, since its a very broad subject. It would be great if Media was my Major, and Art my minor, but I love the art side of things way too much.

Well.. now that's written down, I'm just way to confused. And I could regret this later on.